Mustnt. take. self. so. seriously. I really want a nice ridiculously tattooed boy right now. In other news… oh wait, there is none. I like lace. A lot (see picture). It makes me happy. Lace + boys > cookie dough from the tube. Oh my, I don’t think these pictures are helping me to find a nice boy. Hmm… nunnery maybe? No wait, there aren’t any boys there. Screw boys, I want a man. But, no, not you, you’re probably not my type. My type doesn’t exist. That is my problem. Always. I’m a dreamer! Lalalalalaaaaa. My dad’s birthday is on Sunday. What should I get him? (Sorry there was no meaning to this post.)
Okay well, I hope everyone is proud of me. I got my blood drawn today. It has been an incredibly difficult and mentally draining few weeks for me. To be honest, I’m not 100% sure yet what I’m doing for my birthday but I’m going to make a promise to myself to make this next year a better one. I have totally down and out. Ignoring phone calls. Texting my mummy at 3AM. Watching free movies (28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Se7en, etc…) one after another. And I have just been feeling really really anti-social. I guess I’m confused by people now. I don’t know what to think about relationships, strangers, etc. It’s all very strange to me. And I’m really sorry that I’ve been being selfish and hiding out in my bedroom from the world. It just felt really dark and unappealing for awhile. But I have a story for you! Well, it’s simple really… I’ve never been unconscious before (other than sleeping, and I argue that this is just another form of consciousness). But this was out hard, cold. I fainted! I got my blood drawn with my mother at my side. I cried and cried and couldn’t stop. And then it was over. But I knew something wasn’t right. I got up and grabbed some water. Managed to drink a few sips then sit down. BAM! Next thing I know there is this incredible alarm going off and I’m looking up at these doctors. My eyes had rolled back into my head. My legs twitched. And then everything began to vibrate. They checked my blood pressure, yada yada. But the vibrating feeling was intense and very scary. I had no control over any fine movements. So when I tried to drink some more water I spilled it all over my damn shirt. They gave me that sticker you can see in the picture for being such a trooper. But it was the scariest and most terrifying experience of my life. Which, I suppose isn’t that bad. Humans have endured much worse. But for me, it was enough and I’m exhausted. If they don’t find anything in the 67 gallons of blood they took from me I am going to be pretty upset!
Anyways, I’m going to be back on track now. I don’t have a car so my members can rest assured that I have been eaten up to pieces by the guilt of not updating. You will see me soon, I swear! I hope you can understand what a strangely difficult time I am in. But I a sturdy set of supports set up and I can always count on a lot of people to be there when I need them. I just need to steady my head, get some normal sleep, walk my dog, and then reveal to you the birthday present I bought myself (another day)! Yay, secrets! Hehe just kidding. I’ll have to show you soon. It’s geek-a-lish-ious!! Again, sorry for being absent and irresponsible. I have a lifelong promise with myself to keep my own benifit and well being in mind at all times. Maybe they took out all the gunk that was clogging up my head. Now I can start thinking straight, and getting back out there. Yeah. I’m optimistic. See you soon! Thank you for all the comments too. I read each one of them and they are such perfect daily reminders to check in with myself and see how I’m doing and get input from others. Ehh, I’m babbling on a bit, but you are all so lovely! Don’t sell yourself short and share it with the world.
Enjoy? Let's get cozy over coffee.I’m really not sure what I’m doing anymore. I have no idea why, either. My soul is in all of the world and I’m just following it around. I’d like for life to be like movies. For my sleeping bag to magically drag itself around a grassy valley following it’s heart. Where is my heart now?
I still feel sort sick (head cold) and so I apologize for being so hard to contact. I’m also feeling like I’m being dragged along a sidewalk on a string by a careless child. I don’t know what’s going on. Blogging is difficult. Uh, the weather is cold. I can’t find my gloves. And my birthday is much sooner than I want it to be. I asked my mom why being 18 was just as bad as being 17 (even though it wasn’t… I just have high hopes). I’m can’t help but continue hoping this next year of my life will bring the positives into my life that I desire. A good quote, “Hope is not a strategy,” makes me feel a bit dumb. My strategies aren’t even strategies. Nothing seems to be working out like it sometimes does. I want to spend an entire day making someone happy. Buying them their favorite ice cream. Singing their favorite song. Driving to their favorite city. I would like that. But only for someone who deserves it. It’s difficult to find someone like that. Oh, if I ruled the world… I’d get rid of this head cold so I could sleep at night and stop thinking about ridiculously pointless things that are part of this universe. I would be asleep right now. I can honestly say insomnia is the worst form of boredom that could ever exist.
Enjoy? Let's get cozy over coffee.I am sick and currently out of order. Please try again later. *cough*
I think I was just on TV in France… that’s new.
EDIT: I could literally die right now. I feel miserable. I can’t keep a friend to save my life and I’m dying of the beubonic plauge. This is not how I thought I’d go out. Haha. Shooooot me! I can’t stop sniffling. And it’s 4AM and I’m wide awake. Man… things sure are grrrrreat! Why won’t my landlords turn on the heat? I am freezing my ass off. No one will answer their phones anymore. I’m sick of re-dialing. Hello? Oh yeah, and why does my landlord never warn me when he’s coming over? Luckily I was at least dressed today (though my teeth and hair unbrushed…) I want to die right now. *falls asleep blissfully forever* Ahhhh! They have lotioned Kleenex in Heaven!! Woot! I’m just kidding. But really, why do I hate most people, and the people I do enjoy hate me? It’s confusing.
Enjoy? Let's get cozy over coffee.
OMG! Someone looked into my future and wrote a movie about it. I’m in the shark suit on the left. (Though that picture was taken years ago…) On the right is a screen caption from the movie “Eagle vs. Shark.” I need to find my eagle now. Where are you? Haha, I’ll have to watch the movie and plan my life accordingly. Looks like I’ll end up with a geek in the end! I knew it. Speaking of movies, anyone seen “Choke” yet? I’m going to see it, even if I have to go alone. The main character is just too fucked up NOT to adore. Sex addicts. <3 Other news… I was super productive today. I paid my rent, and signed up to earn my last high school credit. Uhh I donated to charity and got some other papers in order. I paid off two credit card bills. I even walked Ms. Daisy. Well not SUPER productive but at least I got something done. I’m also looking in to health insurance that I’ll have to start buying in a few weeks. Holy fuck is the health insurance business confusing! Deductibles, premiums, copayments, eghh. I needed my glossary open the whole damn time. And seeing as how people seem to enjoy threatening my life nowadays I sure will be needing that emergency coverage. Hah! Yeahhh! What’s with the hate from the male spectrum of the world? Not getting laid enough? I get it all the time from the females, but this is new. Must be the weather. I hear a man’s sperm count goes up in winter… (okay that’s not realllly related but I don’t care!) Well boo hoo, I’ll just go find the androgynous kids on the playground and play with them. 
Haha things are actually pretty good life-wise though. I like wearing hoodies!! And my car was still there last time I checked too!
PS- Holy crap is “Broken English” a really good movie. I identified with the main character too much. I’d like a french eagle boy please!
Enjoy? Let's get cozy over coffee.
I drew this today.
Click on the picture to see it full size. I have no idea why I finally finished that piece (if it is finished). I started it about four years ago when I was dating my first boyfriend and basically oblivious to any sort of drawing skills. I just remembered the piece and searched it out in one of my old ass portfolios. Then I just went at it for about 3-4 hours. The time flew. It was really strange. I haven’t made any art in a long time. Not that this is anything super great, I could tell you a million things still not quite right with it yet. But it’s sort of nifty. I didn’t use any reference photos for the final thing you see there. So I just sorta went with my instincts and came out with a very average looking model type woman with fabulous eye lashes! <3 (AHA I was channeling Sheryl Crow with a little interference from Shakira’s hair!) My brother was in town for this weekend so it became yet another ‘family’ weekend. I have absolutely nothing planned for this week and that makes me sort of sad. But, I DO have my car back. So maybe I’ll go solo on some sort of lame adventure. Yeah, not much else to tell really… give me ideas for a birthday celebration! And no I don’t want to get drunk or have a big party… anything else?
Enjoy? Let's get cozy over coffee.
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